


13 moments

by ToolMusicLover



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, References to Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), Sad Ending, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27591125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToolMusicLover/pseuds/ToolMusicLover
Summary: Obi-Wan found him in their regular run down cantina on the lower levels of Coruscant. Hunched in a dark corner, drinking a Jawa Juice. His vision was already hazy despite it only being his second glass.Or; 13 moments in Obi-Wan’s and Anakin’s relationship from after The First Battle of Geonosis to Anakin’s fall.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 73





	13 moments

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows the Clone Wars so there will be a lot of references and spoilers for those storylines.
> 
> I’ve tried to keep this as close to canon as possible, but there will be some obvious noticeable differences. Unfortunately, that means there will be quite a bit of angst and a sad ending. I hope you enjoy nonetheless.

1.

22 BBY, sometime after The First Battle of Geonosis

\--

Obi-Wan found him in their regular run down cantina on the lower levels of Coruscant. Hunched in a dark corner, drinking a Jawa Juice. His vision was already hazy despite it only being his second glass.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Obi-Wan asked, sliding into the seat opposite him. He stroked at his beard in contemplation.

“Nope.”

“What’s wrong?”

Anakin shrugged, “Me and Padme fought.”

“You and Padme fought,” Obi-Wan repeated, staring at him impassively.

“Yes.”

“I had presumed something like that happened when she asked me to come look for you hours ago. What happened?”

Anakin frowned and sipped his drink, “Nothing.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighed, exasperation on his face. “You can tell me wha – “

“I said _nothing_ happened,” he hissed. _Nothing I can tell you about, anyway._

“There’s no need to be rude,” Obi-Wan scorned.

He grit his teeth and felt his nostrils flare.

“Whatever, Master,” he retorted, grabbing his robe of the back of the chair.

Obi-Wan followed him out of the cantina and down one of the various alleys littered along the streets, neon signs alight showcasing their vulgarity. Shouting could be heard in the cracked paths a few streets away, but tonight theirs was empty.

“Don’t follow me Obi-Wan,” he warned.

“Anakin – “

“I’m going somewhere else and you’re not coming with me,” he interrupted, trying hard not to slur his words. “I’ll see you in the morning briefing.”

Obi-Wan moved in front of him and raised a hand to stop him.

He jerked himself away. What he didn’t need right then was his Master touching him.

“No, Anakin. That’s only a few hours away, you can’t turn up to a briefing having drunk so much with no sleep.”

Obi-Wan‘s brows were pulled down in concern. The neon lights made his copper hair glint in the late night and his grey-blue eyes were dimmed with worry. Anakin wanted to kiss him, he wanted to clutch and ruin his perfectly refined hair.

“Yes I can and I will,” he grit.

“No, you _won’t_ ,” Obi-Wan argued fiercely.

He slumped against the wall and glared at Obi-Wan in anger.

“Tell me what happened, Anakin,” Obi-Wan asked.

“She asked how I felt about the war,” he lied.

_No - she asked if I would leave the war, the Jedi, for her._

“I see...And I suppose she didn’t like your answer?”

“No, she didn’t.” _I told her that I wouldn’t and so she ended things. But I didn’t tell her why._

Obi-Wan stared at him in scepticism. “Well, even if she is your friend, she’s also a politician. You can’t really be that surprised that you argued about such a thing.”

Anakin ignored him, stared up at the sky to avoid his eyes. He spoke in a clear, sincere tone, “I’m not. I guess I’m just surprised that she would ask that of me.”

Obi-Wan frowned, “Why wouldn’t she? You’re the first person I should think she would ask.”

He sighed in frustration and rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Obi-Wan was observing him with an indiscernible gaze, he looked away quickly. Ensured his shields were firmly in place.

“I presume you won’t be staying at her apartment anymore then.”

Anakin froze, lowered his eyes hesitantly. “What?”

“Don’t think I’m stupid Anakin, because I’m not.”

“I don’t,” he whispered, the blood draining from his face. “You don’t know anything about it.”

He pulled himself away from the wall, begun to turn away.

“I think you’ll find I do. Even if you didn’t trust me enough to tell me,” Obi-Wan murmured.

He called upon the Force and flung himself onto the ledge of a window above him, wobbled, before leaping again onto a roof to his left. Didn’t look down as his signature crackled with sadness and his Master stood alone.

2.

22 BBY, Florrum

\--

It happened on Florrum. He was on his fourth drink, Anakin his second, of some unknown beverage. Its potency was strong and they were both already slurring, their gestures and expressions too loud.

It was one of the first missions that he and Anakin had been sent on alone since the start of the war. Since Geonosis Obi-Wan had seen some of Anakin’s more...problematic characteristics diminish. First was his impulsivity, the loss of his arm had seen to that, followed by his stubbornness. The arrival of Ahsoka had meant he couldn’t be as obstinate as he had been in the past. Finally, his arrogance – it was still there, and in rather large quantities, but now he at least withheld his conceit from a select few.

Obi-Wan couldn’t help but notice other things too. Like his hair, which had finally outgrown its Padawan cut and curled softly round his ears with a burnished tint. Or his shoulders, more broad now than they had ever been before.

They spoke about everything but the war, it was difficult though. Difficult when they were on the front lines nearly every day - even now they were on a mission. Although, he had to admit, neither he nor Anakin would be including their inebriation in the Council’s report.

As Anakin ordered their next round he glanced around the room. Florrum’s pirates were either also too intoxicated or too distracted to pay them any mind. And never had he been more thankful for that when Anakin stood and leant over the bar to hand the bartender some credits, his long legs and toned arse bent perfectly for him to view.

He swallowed thickly and quickly glanced away.

“He said he’s got something special for us,” Anakin slurred, sitting back down again, “he’s gone to get it and then he’ll be back.”

“You gave him the credits before you got the drinks?”

“Mmmm.”

Anakin slumped against him, his head resting on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Obi-Wan stroked his soft hair and tried to smooth the wild curls behind his ear.

Anakin sighed in pleasure. “I haven’t seen you in ages,” he whispered.

He frowned in confusion, “You see me quite often, at least every few weeks.”

“No,” Anakin groaned, “I meant just the two of us.”

“Oh. Well – yes – I suppose you’re right.”

Anakin twisted his head and stared up at him. His eyes were bloodshot but still a deep blue before he leant up and kissed Obi-Wan on the mouth.

Obi-Wan slid his other hand around, cupped Anakin’s face and moaned with surprise, then desire. Anakin’s mouth was wet and hot, his tongue incessant and sloppy as it prodded against his own. It was better than he had dared allowed himself to imagine it would be, so good that it made his toes curl within his boots.

Just when he thought he could do this forever, Anakin pulled away.

“Huh,” he said, before folding down onto Obi-Wan’s chest and passing out.

His last thought before unwelcomed darkness crept in was ‘ _oh, no._ ’

3.

21BBY, The Second Battle of Geonosis

\--

He hauled Obi-Wan’s arm over his shoulders, tried to take more of his weight as he limped. Only to have his Master huff a breath in annoyance.

“It’s not that bad Anakin.”

“You looked like you were about to collapse when me and Ahsoka got to you.”

“I think that may be a slight exaggeration, dear one.”

His cheeks flushed hotly. He couldn’t remember the last time Obi-Wan had called him that. Anakin wondered why he had ever stopped, before remembering that as a Padawan he had asked him to. It had been too embarrassing then, but he would give anything to hear it again now.

Obi-Wan glanced at him and then grimaced, “My apologies, I forget you don’t like that.”

“No!” he exclaimed.

This time he flushed in embarrassment. He dragged Obi-Wan in closer for something to do as he gave Anakin an inscrutable look.

“Err – what I mean is I don’t mind – I wouldn’t mind...if you started using it again,” he mumbled to the floor.

Anakin glanced up when no reply came and cursed Obi-Wan for the thousandth time for his Jedi control. He couldn’t sense even the faintest glimmer of what his Master was thinking.

“Very well,” Obi-Wan said, and then softly, “dear one.”

His lashes fluttered in pleasure and his cheeks coloured again. Obi-Wan looked almost amused...no, intrigued? Interested? He couldn’t tell, but he knew that he liked it.

Anakin wondered if the longing in his eyes was easy for Obi-Wan to see. The longing that had fostered into an ache since Florrum. Throbbed whenever he so much as thought about his old Master.

“I see General Mundi,” Obi-Wan murmured.

He turned to see the Cerean also limping along. Anakin scowled to himself, this battle had seen too many loses and injuries.

“I hope you feel better soon, Master,” he whispered. Just for the two of them to hear.

Obi-Wan hummed quietly and gave him what he thought was a purposefully blank stare. When suddenly he felt the arm slung around his shoulders move.

A thumb stroked along the back of his neck. A caress. Gentle and intimate.

Anakin couldn’t help the shiver that ran through him and watched entranced as Obi-Wan’s eyes grew dark.

His body grew hot under that gaze. He desperately wanted to fling himself at Obi-Wan, to see if his hunger was reciprocated.

“I’ll see you soon,” Obi-Wan said. He withdrew himself from Anakin’s hold and turned to look for the General Mundi.

Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, then murmured before turning away, “Please be safe, dear one.”

Anakin rubbed his flesh hand across his face and breathed out a giddy sigh, his face breaking out into a shy grin.

4.

21 BBY, The Coronet, somewhere in hyperspace

\--

_Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order._

Anakin’s mechno arm swirled with the rhythmic clenching of his fist as he replayed those words in his head.

It hurt more than it should have. Not the knowledge that Obi-Wan nearly left the Order, he hadn’t known his Master back then after all. But the knowledge that Obi-Wan had been so _attached_ to someone that he would have left for them. Someone that wasn’t him - and he hadn’t even known.

“Should I even ask why you’re here, brooding, instead of sleeping?”

Anakin continued glaring out at the streaks of hyperspace as Obi-Wan came to stand by his side. He didn’t need to look at his Master to feel the faint traces of concern radiating of him.

“Oh – Is that how it is? You’re just going to ignore me?”

His sigh was purposely loud. “I wanted to be alone.”

“Hmm, well perhaps you shouldn’t be broadcasting your anger quite so obviously then.”

The words only incited him more so. He wasn’t some Padawan anymore, he should be able to shield effectively by now. But he never could with his anger. It was always too fervent and fierce.

Anakin heard a huff of frustration, followed by the light sound of scratching - his Master stroking at his beard in consideration.

He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sound. Tried to ignore how he could perfectly see Obi-Wan’s fingers as they moved through the undoubtedly prickly hair. He wanted to reach over and touch. To see if it really was coarse or if it would be soft too.

“What has you so upset, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin breathed deeply for a moment. Then two. He opened his eyes once again, “Nothing.”

“I wish you wouldn’t lie to me. I can tell when something is bothering you.”

“And you’ve never lied to me before?” he accused, his head turning to look at Obi-Wan.

“What?” Obi-Wan asked in confusion.

Obi-Wan hadn’t lied, not really, and Anakin knew that. But a lie by omission felt just as painful.

“You’ve never mentioned a Duchess Satine before.”

“What is there to tell? I knew her a long time ago,” Obi-Wan shrugged.

Anakin felt his anger flare at Obi-Wan’s nonchalance. He wanted to grab him and demand how a man known for his perception could be so oblivious.

“You would have left the Order for her.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes seemed to roam everywhere but him before landing on his face. “I...yes, I would have.”

He hated the jealousy that rippled, heavy and dangerous, in his chest at the confirmation.

Obi-Wan was _his._

He was his Master, his best friend, his brother, his... _something._ Something that was exciting and unexplored, though tangible enough that Anakin felt it in every lingering touch and heated gaze.

Anakin had thought that he was the only one his Master had ever wanted, the only one he’d ever been attached to and it enraged him that he had never been dissuaded of that naive belief.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan sighed. “I was extremely young. And though what I felt then was very much real, it pales in comparison to what I feel now.”

His breath stuttered.

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know, dear one.”

Hope had begun to bloom, so potent that his hands trembled.

“Please don’t lie to me. Don’t lie to me about this, Obi-Wan.”

“I would never, _Anakin_.”

Obi-Wan came to stand before him, his silhouette radiant as the Galaxy passed them by.

Anakin thought his heart would burst forth from his chest when Obi-Wan leaned forward and pressed his lips against his own. Obi-Wan’s lips were chapped and his beard was coarse beneath his fingers, but it was also as soft as he’d imagined it would be.

He moaned when their lips parted and their tongues met hesitantly. The kiss soon turned deep and slow, and they fell in sync in this as they did everything else.

5.

21BBY, Jedi Temple, Coruscant

\--

Obi-Wan often lay awake at night, on his own, thinking about Anakin. About what he was doing, if he was safe. About what _they w_ ere doing.

He wondered if he would have come to care for Anakin as he had if there hadn’t been a war. He had never been able to reach a conclusion to that question.

Now, he lay awake thinking about Anakin even though the younger man lay right next to him. It was a rarity for them both to be in the Temple at the same time and they had grasped the opportunity with both hands.

He was still accumulating himself to the fervency and hunger that accompanied their new relationship. In the past year, when his thoughts had inevitably strayed to Anakin, about what it would be like to be with him, to _have_ him, Obi-Wan had always presumed that it would be the younger man who would be over-eager, all consuming in his desire. He had come to learn that that was not the case, that indeed, it was the both of them that yearned for each other with a need and possessiveness that he knew was wrong.

It frightened him.

This thirst that he had for Anakin - that absolutely reeked of attachment.

Before their kiss on The Coronet he had thought for a long time about what Anakin meant to him. He had ultimately concluded that he would still be able to perform his duty as a Jedi and have a relationship with Anakin.

And he still believed that.

_Didn’t he?_

What he had not considered, or what he had deliberately ignored, was that Anakin would not be able to do the same.

He had known that. But, his desire for Anakin had lulled him into wilful ignorance.

“You’re thinking so loudly that you woke me up,” Anakin suddenly murmured.

Obi-Wan looked over to see a mess of darkened curls turning before a drowsy face peeked over the covers. Bleary eyes opened and a small smile appeared.

“What are you thinking about?” mumbled Anakin.

“Nothing.”

He felt a thrum of amusement, and frustration, colour Anakin’s Force signature.

“I’m too tired to list all the reasons how I know you’re lying, Master.”

Anakin wriggled over. His left leg slid between his own and his arm slung itself over his chest, his fingers stroked through Obi-Wan’s chest hair.

He pulled Anakin close and ran his hand along his naked back. Breathed in the heady scent of his unruly hair.

“Well?”

“It’s nothing important,” he whispered.

“Hmmm.” Anakin snuggled deeper into his chest, his lashes fluttered closed once again. “You’d tell me if it was?”

He hesitated, just briefly, and hoped it wasn’t noticeable. “Of course.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe through the pain in his chest.

He would tell Anakin anything, but not this. Obi-Wan knew that if asked to choose between him or his duty Anakin’s answer would be instantaneous.

And he wasn’t quite ready to confront that yet. Obi-Wan didn’t know if he ever would be.

6.

20BBY, after Mortis

\--

Anakin retained no memories of the visions bestowed upon him by The Son. He wouldn’t have cared, except that Obi-Wan wasn’t quite able to look at him.

He flicked his eyes over to his former Master and sighed. Yep, there was definitely something wrong.

“Snips, I think it’s time you went and got some rest, why don’t you go to your quarters.”

Ahsoka prodded at her food once more before huffing. “Why do I have to go? You both need some rest too!”

He groaned internally. Force, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her, but why couldn’t Ahsoka ever just do as he asked?

He felt a flourish of amusement in the Force and scowled at his cup. Oh, so now Obi-Wan had decided to get involved.

“Well Ahsoka, you’ll find that Ana – “

“Ahsoka,” he warned, “go and rest. Me and Obi-Wan will do so shortly.” _And separately,_ he snarled to himself. Bitterness tasting like bile at the back of his throat.

With a dramatic sigh that only a teenager could execute Ahsoka left with her tray and a derisive, “Sure you will. Good night Masters.”

Anakin swiftly moved to sit next to Obi-Wan and eyed him warily.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Obi-Wan glanced at him, before looking away. “Nothing really, it was just a trying mission.”

He glowered at Obi-Wan. Not believing his feigned casualness for a second.

“You’re being off with me. Did I do something?”

“No...”

“You know I don’t remember anything right? Whatever happened it wasn’t really me,” he stated.

“I...”

Obi-Wan’s timidity worried him. His Master was usually the epitome of self-assurance.

He stared at Obi-Wan a bit closer.

Tiredness was etched into the lines on his face, his hair hung limp and his brows were pulled down in worry. Most troubling though was his usual bright eyes which were dimmed from sadness.

Anakin’s chest ached at the sight. Had he somehow hurt Obi-Wan?

“Master – if I done something then I’m sorry,” he said in earnest.

Obi-Wan sighed quietly. “You don’t even know why you’re apologising Anakin.”

He shrugged. “I know...but I can tell that you’re upset. You know that I’d never hurt you, right?”

“Now isn’t the time to discuss this.”

Anakin ignored him. “I wouldn’t – I would never. And you know why, don’t you?”

“Anakin...” Obi-Wan warned. His body unnaturally still.

He placed his hand on Obi-Wan’s leg beneath the table and stroked his thumb across the tense thigh. Felt Obi-Wan shiver at the slight touch. It sent a thrill through him. It always did. 

His heart thumped as he leaned forward and whispered softly, “Because I love you - so much Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan exhaled a shaky breath, his eyes quivering to a close.

“Anakin...I...”

Anakin swallowed thickly.

He ignored the anger that arose when Obi-Wan was unable to say it back. Because he knew that Obi-Wan did.

It was in the ways he touched him when they were alone, passionate and intimate, in the Force around them when he smiled at him. It was a constant humming presence that accompanied Anakin wherever he went.

“Can we go back to your quarters? Please? I need you,” he pled.

He gripped Obi-Wan’s thigh as he awaited an answer.

His Master was silent for what seemed like a long time. The only sign of his contemplation was the downward turn of his brows.

Slowly, he unclenched Anakin’s grip, smoothed out his hand and slid his cold fingers in between his own.

With warmth in his eyes and a soft smile he murmured, “Very well, let’s go.”

7.

20BBY, after Kadavo

\--

Anakin’s eyes tracked Obi-Wan as they travelled to the quarters assigned to them by Admiral Coburn.

“I see you’re not going for a check up then?” Anakin asked in frustration.

Obi-Wan shrugged. “There’s no need.”

Anakin huffed in disagreement as he once again swept his gaze across Obi-Wan’s bruised and battered form. 

His jaw clenched when his presence brushed against Obi-Wan’s and found it small and burnt. Its usual warmth diminished after the events of Kadavo.

He glanced away. Unable to bear the sight.

His anger simmered as they entered the quarters and showered separately in the small fresher. But, it seared ablaze when he exited and found Obi-Wan tending to his wounds on the sofa.

His presence crackled as he stared at the bruises marring Obi-Wan’s back. The unmistakable outline of whips illuminated on his pale skin.

This was _his_ fault. He hadn’t done enough to help Obi-Wan. He had allowed him to be hurt. Allowed slavers to continue their vile ways, because the Jedi, the _Council,_ wouldn’t intervene. Because the _Republic_ wouldn’t intervene.

How _dare_ they allow Obi-Wan to be hurt.

“Anakin!”

He whipped his head up. Startled by Obi-Wan’s distress.

Obi-Wan gripped the hovering sofa tightly, his expression panicked as he surveyed the room. The lights above them flickered and other objects hovered ominously.

He was shaking, he realised. His body strung taut with power.

Had he done all that?

Anakin quaked as he slowly lowered the objects to the floor. Obi-Wan looked stricken, his eyes resolutely avoiding his own.

“Master, I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

He wanted to curl into Obi-Wan’s shoulder then and have him comfort him as he used to as a child.

He shook his head and scowled, he wasn’t a child anymore.

Instead, he settled on the sofa and lightly ran his hand down Obi-Wan’s mottled back. The both of them tremoring under his reverent touch.

“I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happened to you.”

Obi-Wan turned around to look at with something like quiet alarm.

“Anakin, you must know that I won’t always be here. That I – “

“No!” he exclaimed vehemently.

His fists clenched as he tried to will away the panic clawing at his throat. He knew he was showing too much. That he was feeling too much.

“If it is the will of the – “

“No, Master. I won’t allow it.”

Anakin raised his eyes to Obi-Wan’s with cold determination.

For a minute second Obi-Wan looked fearful, before his expression turned pensive.

“Dear one, I don’t want to leave your side,” Obi-Wan said gently, “but know that when I do I’ll be with you in the Force, always.”

He wanted to scream and shout over such words. He couldn’t believe that Obi-Wan seemed so unmoved by the possibility of his own death. That he wouldn’t do everything to ensure that they were never separated.

His hands trembled as he distractedly rubbed at his wet eyes. And all the while Obi-Wan watched him with quiet apprehension.

He grit his teeth and stared at some unseen spot. Why did Obi-Wan look so worried?

“Let’s go to bed now,” he murmured.

“Anakin – “

“Come on,” he interrupted.

He dragged Obi-Wan by the hand to bed, where they quickly fell into their usual embrace.

Obi-Wan’s chest heaved beneath his head as he exhaled heavily, “We need to talk about this Anakin.”

Anakin stroked a soothing hand down Obi-Wan’s arm. “We will, Master. But first you need to get some rest, now go to sleep.”

For once, his usual obstinate Master listened to him and quickly fell asleep.

Anakin ran his flesh hand through Obi-Wan’s thick copper hair and watched the subtle twitches of his face as he slept.

He felt an almost unbearable grief swell in his chest. A hard, solid lump that made him want to weep.

He knew then that he would do anything to ensure that Obi-Wan never left his side.

To make sure that the loss and pain of his mother’s death was never again repeated.

8.

20BBY, Jedi Temple, Coruscant

\--

Obi-Wan’s body was tense with trepidation as he entered his and Anakin’s quarters.

He rubbed at his cheeks nervously but quickly stopped when he was met with the abnormal smooth skin.

Anakin was shoving clothes into a bag. His back pulled taut as he moved hurriedly.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his throat dry.

“I’m going to stay someplace else for a while.”

Obi-Wan swallowed and continued watching the younger man.

He wanted to run over and comfort Anakin. He wanted to card his hands through those wonderfully chaotic curls, he wanted to trace his fingers along those soft lips.

Oh Force, but he had never felt anything like this before.

He had missed Anakin, so very much, and his heart ached with the realisation that Anakin may never allow him to do any of those things ever again.

“Is that necessary? We’re hardly ever on Coruscant anyway,” he said.

Anakin shrugged. “Well we are now, and I don’t want to stay here tonight.”

He folded his hands behind his back, gripped them tightly as he pled. “Anakin...please.”

Anakin froze and Obi-Wan saw his chest heave uneasily.

“How could you?” he whispered heatedly.

“I’ve already told you, I done my duty to protect the Chancellor.”

“You lied to me.”

Obi-Wan lowered his head in shame. “It was necessary. My death wouldn’t have been believable otherwise.”

“You allowed me to grieve for you. How could you do that? Aren’t you sorry at all?” Anakin breathed.

His exhale was oddly loud in the quiet room. “I-I...I did suggest that you be told in advance, but it was agreed that your reaction was needed. I am sorry Anakin, I didn’t want things to go as they have.”

“You mean the Council agreed, and you didn’t do enough to stop them.”

“I was doing what I had to.”

“Yes,” hissed Anakin. “You were doing your duty; apparently it was more important than my grief.”

That was the crux of the problem, Obi-Wan knew. And with it laid out so simply, he couldn’t quite believe he had done it either.

Slowly, he took two steps forward. “Dear one...” he murmured.

“Don’t.”

An encroaching silence encompassed them, heavy with pain and regret.

Obi-Wan observed Anakin all the while. He was not used to such stillness from Anakin and it unnerved him. He had expected the anger that had first greeted him when they had returned to Coruscant. But, he didn’t know what to do with this peculiar tranquillity.

“I thought you were dead.”

The words were spoken so softly that he very nearly didn’t hear them. He almost wishes he hadn’t, because underneath the quiet murmur was a subtle tremor, one he hadn’t heard from Anakin in years but would recognise anywhere.

Anakin was crying, and Obi-Wan’s chest throbbed like an open wound as a result. He desperately tried to quell the clawing of his throat, the panic that had arisen as he listened to the subtle sobs.

Obi-Wan moved on instinct and reached out to soothe Anakin. He would do anything to stop Anakin’s pain, and never had he felt more like a fraud. How could he console Anakin when he had been the one to inflict the damage?

Anakin moved himself away before he had the chance. “Don’t touch me,” he muttered rigidly.

He lowered his arms and bit his gum determinedly, so close to weeping himself.

Anakin harshly rubbed at his face before continuing to pack. After only a short while he slung the bag over his shoulder and finally, lifted his gaze to Obi-Wan’s.

The usual enigmatic orbs were dimmed and distant. Looking through Obi-Wan as though he wasn’t there. His gut lurched painfully. He didn’t dare reach out for Anakin in the Force, too scared by what he might find.

“I’m due to ship out in a few days, if I don’t see you before then then I’ll see you when I’m back,” Anakin said coldly.

Anakin didn’t await a reply and swiftly stalked from their quarters. Obi-Wan lowered himself to the sofa and sat there for a long time, staring blankly at the space Anakin had just vacated.

Something heavy and unwelcome dragged at his stomach the longer he sat there. It churned disturbingly as his thoughts traversed between guilt and loss.

It took him a while to figure out what it was. 

Dread.

That something had just broken between him and Anakin, and he would never be able to fix it.

9.

20BBY, Room of a Thousand Fountains, Jedi Temple, Coruscant

\--

Anakin wound his way through diverging dirt pathways and followed the familiar warm hue of Obi-Wan’s Force signature. It wasn’t as bright as usual, but he would recognise its presence anywhere.

He found Obi-Wan meditating near one of the smaller fountains the room had to offer. He was hidden behind shrubbery and looked peaceful with his hands clasped on his knees and his face set in a serene mask.

Anakin knew better.

He settled himself opposite his Master and struck a similar pose. Though, he kept his eyes open and admired the man before him.

The war had worn Obi-Wan down, but it had to them all he supposed. Some grey now streaked the temples of his copper hair and his face was etched in lines born from too much frowning. Yet, lines of happiness could also be seen in the crevices near his eyes, and his lips, though chapped, were full and tender.

The war had hardened Obi-Wan and simultaneously made him all the more attractive.

It infuriated Anakin to no end. He wanted to pull Obi-Wan close whilst also shoving him away.

Anakin scowled to himself. Obi-Wan didn’t deserve any of his affection after what he’d done.

His treacherous heart didn’t agree though. It skipped a beat at the mere sight of his former Master and yearned for him in every way. It had ever since he’d left their quarters all those weeks ago.

“I just came from a debriefing. I heard about what happened,” he said quietly.

Obi-Wan hummed in acknowledgement, but kept his eyes closed.

His irritation flared as a result. He should have known that this conversation wouldn’t be easy.

He tried again. “It must have been a...shock to see him.”

Obi-Wan made an amused noise of agreement before opening his eyes.

“Yes – I suppose ‘shock’ is the most appropriate word. I must admit that I’ve never heard of someone coming back from the dead quite like that,” he replied wryly.

Anakin pursed his lips and looked away. He briefly admired their surroundings. He very rarely came in here, it was too quiet for him.

“What did the Council say?”

“It was the Chancellor actually. He decided that Maul and this, Savage Opress, aren’t a big enough threat to be pursued.”

Anakin frowned in displeasure. He would have to speak with the Chancellor about that. Not only were they dangerous but they had hurt Obi-Wan, they needed to be caught and punished.

He was sure he would be able to change the Chancellor’s mind. The elder man always listened to and valued his opinion.

“Are you okay?” he asked faintly.

Obi-Wan shrugged and rubbed at his newly grown beard. “Yes, I suppose so.”

Anakin didn’t believe it for a second. His Master’s shoulders were slumped and his overall profile was unkempt, they were small changes, but they told him everything he needed to know.

He fought with himself. Told himself to not do it. That Obi-Wan had lied to him. That he had picked his duty, a _mission,_ over him – over the love that they shared.

He had accepted that Obi-Wan would never choose him. 

But, his mind and body didn’t seem to care. His hand raised itself to gently card through Obi-Wan’s hair and begun to stroke the thick strands in comfort.

Anakin watched rapt as Obi-Wan unexpectedly accepted the tender gesture. His eyes quivered to a close and he released a soft sigh in pleasure.

“ _Anakin,_ ” Obi-Wan whispered.

A needy whimper caught in his throat. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Obi-Wan’s. Gulped in air as he breathed freely for what felt like the first time in weeks.

Anakin cherished their reconciliation, but done so with durasteel walls wrapped around his heart. He would be prepared if Obi-Wan decided to betray him again.

10.

19BBY, Dex’s Diner, Coruscant

\--

Anakin slid into the booth opposite Obi-Wan. He smoothed down his hair and tried to catch his breath.

Obi-Wan stared at him with an indiscernible gaze. “Did you happen to run here?”

He chucked Obi-Wan an unimpressed look. “No, but I did rush. Me and Ahsoka are due to leave for Cato Neimoidia in a few hours and I wanted to see you beforehand.”

Obi-Wan didn’t reply. Merely lifted his Corellian whisky and took a sip.

His lips were wet as he pulled the glass away and Anakin felt the familiar flavour of resentment rise in his throat. He wanted to reach over and taste, but knew that Obi-Wan would never allow it.

Anakin cleared his throat roughly. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about such things.

He rubbed at his neck in the awkward silence that followed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Obi-Wan raised an amused eyebrow before grimacing. “No, I don’t think so.”

Anakin felt frustration flicker in his chest. Why couldn’t Obi-Wan ever just talk to him? Why didn’t he trust him?

He leant back against the seat and examined his old Master.

Outwardly, he looked mostly unchanged. But his hands shook slightly as he fiddled with his glass and his Force signature was nearly unbearable to look at. Downcast and subdued in a way Anakin had never felt it before.

Obi-Wan’s profile didn’t scream grief, but subtleties of it could be seen if you knew where to look.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes turned warm in appreciation. His smile was small and sad.

Anakin hesitated. Knowing what he wanted to say but cautious about doing so.

“Why didn’t you ask for help? I would have come with you.”

Obi-Wan sighed. “I didn’t want to get you involved. It wouldn’t have been good if we had both gone and defied the Council’s orders.”

He scowled down at his clasped hands. Envy sat uncomfortably in his gut.

It hurt to know that Obi-Wan would defy the Council’s orders for the Duchess, but that he wouldn’t do the same for him.

He wondered why that was. The only logical conclusion he could reach being that his Master simply cared for her more.

That Obi-Wan loved her more than he loved him.

Anakin rubbed at his eyes forcibly. He tried to suppress his jealousy but knew that it splintered dangerously around him anyway.

“Anakin...” Obi-Wan cautioned.

“You loved her.”

Obi-Wan’s silence told him everything he needed to know.

His body trembled. The idea that Obi-Wan loved another, that he may have even told her so, when he had never received such a confirmation himself caused a red haze of rage to spread across his vision.

He was always so quick to anger nowadays, too scared of abandonment and still in need of his Master’s constant approval.

He always wanted more than Obi-Wan was willing to give.

“I need to go,” he said suddenly.

“Anakin, wait – “

He ignored Obi-Wan and swiftly excited the diner. His legs moved quickly through Coruscant’s busy streets.

He was too distracted by his own thoughts and nearly withdrew his lightsaber in surprise when Obi-Wan grabbed his arm.

“What, Master?”

Obi-Wan’s expression was hard to read. But, Anakin thought he could see hints of distress.

“Don’t you remember what I said to you on The Coronet?”

His heart leapt, just as it had then.

“Yes.”

“It’s still true, dear one. Nothing has changed.”

Anakin smiled forlornly at him. Everything had changed since then.

He couldn’t believe that Obi-Wan still thought it would be enough. In fact, Anakin was sure that he knew it wasn’t and yet, he was still unable to tell Anakin what he needed to hear.

“I know,” he lied.

Obi-Wan rubbed at his face wearily. Doubt causing his brows to downturn.

Anakin plastered on a false smirk, his voice unnaturally jovial. “I’ll see you when I’m back, Obi-Wan.”

He moved to turn away when a hand gripped the back of his neck. Fingers curled in his hair.

“Anakin – “ he watched Obi-Wan swallow thickly in hesitation. “Please be safe.”

Anakin nodded and walked away. As he moved towards his speeder he wondered what it was that Obi-Wan had really wanted to say.

11.

19BBY, sparring room, Jedi Temple, Coruscant

\--

Obi-Wan watched from a shadowed corner as Anakin easily slashed and parried multiple training remotes in one of the Temples sparring rooms. The remotes were significantly inferior in comparison to Anakin’s skill, but it was late and there was none around for the younger man to spar with.

Though, Obi-Wan predicted that that was exactly what Anakin had wanted - to be alone.

Sweat slicked down Anakin’s bare chest and his exhalations were heavy as he moved. His form should have been something to be admired – powerful and precise, and yet, there was too much anger for it to be appreciated. No Jedi should ever feel such anger.

_No_ , he thought, not anger - rage. It hung around Anakin and settled on his shoulders like a second skin.

“Are you just going to stand there all night, watching me?” Anakin said.

“Well, it’s hardly a bad view.”

Despite the truthfulness behind the tease it only made Anakin scowl. Obi-Wan sighed in dismay. He longed for the days when such flirtation made Anakin flush in delight.

With a flick of Anakin’s wrist the remotes turned off and he moved to drink some water.

Obi-Wan’s stomach reeled with anxiety the longer they stood there in silence.

“If you’re not going to say anything then I’d appreciate it if you left, Obi-Wan.”

His hands clutched themselves behind his back as he moved into the available light.

“I’m sorry about Ahsoka, Anakin,” he whispered solemnly.

Anakin’s eyes flashed, blistering with disdain. The sight made his heart throb in pain.

Anakin had looked at him with anger before, with irritation, annoyance and even derision – but never with such violent dislike.

“Are you?” Anakin sneered. “I’d have never known that you even cared with how little you helped her.”

“Anakin, I done what I could,” he implored.

He had, hadn’t he? He had defended Ahsoka where he could.

Guilt plagued him nonetheless. He was left with the distinct impression that he should have done more. And not just for Ahsoka, but for Anakin too, who he had known wouldn’t handle the Council’s decisions well.

“Did you?” Anakin snarled.

Anakin stalked over to him, his steps oddly silent and his face thunderous. Despite being only a few inches taller he seemed to loom over Obi-Wan menacingly.

And though he wasn’t intimidated, it was the fact that Anakin wanted him to be that made cold trickle down his spine with unease.

“Yes, I did.” 

“Well you should have done more.”

They glared at one another tensely. He so desperately wanted to reach out and touch Anakin. But, intuition told him it was already too late for that.

Anakin wouldn’t accept such comfort from him right now.

“Perhaps,” he murmured quietly.

Anakin shot him one last look of disgust before moving away. He picked up his lightsaber and turned the training remotes on once again.

Obi-Wan stood there for an indefinite amount of time. Torn between wanting to stay and offer what consolation he could and between urgently wanting to leave. He couldn’t stand being in the presence of this man – so unlike the Anakin he knew and adored. The realisation made him want to heave.

Anakin’s distance left him unmoored. He didn’t know what he would do if the other ever decided to leave his side.

Such thoughts were why the Order forbade attachments. But, over the years he had come to learn that when it came to Anakin he would always be powerless in that regard.

All he wanted was for Anakin to be happy, and once the war was over they would be.

12.

19BBY, Utapau

\--

_“How well would you sleep knowing that I failed you?”_

_“Not very well, I imagine. Luckily, that isn’t true and never will be.”_

Anakin exhaled heavily and continued softly running his hand through Obi-Wan’s hair, his head in Anakin’s lap, fast asleep.

Their earlier conversation sat immovable in his stomach, uncomfortable and impossible to forget. Obi-Wan had only been trying to comfort him but he would never understand.

How could he? He’d never been abandoned before. Anakin had, by Padme, by Ahsoka...by his mother.

His nostrils flared indicatively. In each instance it had been the _Order’s_ fault. They kept heartlessly ripping away the people he needed the most. Because they didn’t understand love, and they weren’t willing to try - too stuck in their rigid ways.

Anakin glanced down and ran his hand across Obi-Wan’s cheek. He wouldn’t let them take Obi-Wan from him as well. Not again.

He bit his lip firmly and tried to stop its trembling. He loathed thinking about those weeks. When he had thought the pain in his heart would consume him with grief.

The loss of Obi-Wan had been agonizing. He couldn’t do it again.

He _wouldn’t_ do it again.

Panic clawed at him as his thoughts inevitably strayed. His most recent dreams gnawed away at him relentlessly and he couldn’t help the frightened sob that tore from his throat.

For weeks now dreams had haunted his every waking moment. He had had to repeatedly watch Obi-Wan die. The life leaving his bright eyes as a ring of seared flesh caused him to take a final breath.

In those final moments Obi-Wan didn’t look scared, he looked heartbroken and hopeless. The sight made goose bumps arise along Anakin’s flesh. Obi-Wan should never be without hope, it was what made him who he was.

Anakin wiped his wet cheeks determinedly. He glared at the dwindling fire as his presence sharpened and grew to a pointed tip, his anger unpredictable and jagged.

How dare someone try to take Obi-Wan from him. How dare they make Obi-Wan look like that – inconsolable from grief.

Only one weapon could cause such a wound and Anakin wouldn’t rest until he found whoever it was. He would make sure that they never harmed Obi-Wan. No matter if they were a Jedi or a Sith.

Obi-Wan suddenly jerked and released a low, distressed whine as he moved. Anakin tried to quickly calm himself as his presence crackled and burned with power.

Perhaps he would ask the Chancellor if he knew of any particularly hot planets. Apart from the weapon used to inflict the wound upon Obi-Wan the insufferable heat of the planet was the only other clue that he had.

Anakin exhaled deeply as those awful images resurfaced. Sweat dripping down Obi-Wan’s face, his cheeks flushed and his robes charred as they stuck to his hot body.

Anakin shoved the image aside. His body coiled upon itself in remembrance, his terror so great that Obi-Wan’s head moved slightly as his body shook.

With a quiet growl he strengthened his resolve. No – he wouldn’t let it become real. He would speak with Palpatine. It was a long shot, but he knew more about the Galaxy than anyone Anakin knew.

At least with him Anakin knew that his concerns would be listened to. Unlike the Council, who had never cared for, nor trusted, his opinion. And what Anakin really needed was someone he could trust. A friend.

He dug his mechno hand into the ground beneath him. Crushed the dirt and small rocks within his grasp.

That person should have been Obi-Wan.

But experience had taught him that Obi-Wan was loyal first and foremost to the Order, to the Council, he wouldn’t take Anakin’s worries seriously. Just as he hadn’t with the dreams about his mother.

He glanced down at Obi-Wan and resumed his stroking. He smiled gently when the gesture was met with a quiet sigh of contentment.

For the first time in weeks Anakin felt eerily calm. His new decision had formed a fierce determination within himself.

He wouldn’t fail in this.

He would save Obi-Wan, no matter what.

13.

19BBY, somewhere in hyperspace

\--

The ship blared staccato, _beep-beep-beep,_ as he entered hyperspace. Obi-Wan sat in the pilot seat, his body stock still from shock. He stunk of singed clothes and bitter sweat. He hadn’t eaten but his stomach wouldn’t stop heaving.

Just a few days ago he had been on Coruscant. He had awoken and gone to the Refectory and eaten breakfast with other Jedi. They had shared stories and told jokes. They had been happy, despite the war. Next he had contacted Cody and told him when they were to meet for a debriefing. Then he had gone to the Council Chamber and seen its members for the last time.

And next, he had –

Obi-Wan slumped of his chair and crawled to sit against the hull. He dragged the black robe with him and grasped it, white knuckled as his body shook. Water gathered in the corners of his eyes.

Involuntarily he brought the robe up and inhaled its familiar scent.

_Anakin._

He squeezed his eyes shut and trembled gasped sobs into the fabric.

He inhaled again.

_Oh, Anakin._

Distantly, he was aware that he couldn’t breathe. That he was choking as he struggled to suck in air through his tightened throat. It hurt, everything hurt.

He wanted to reach out into the Force and feel its welcome touch. To feel the warmth of thousands of others. He couldn’t, he had tried before and had only been met with an abyss of terror. 

The thought of doing so again left him winded. The death of each Jedi a bright extinguishing light that should have never been felt. Not like this. Not by their own men, not by one of their own, slaughtered by –

By a Sith. A murderer. A traitor.

_No,_ he thought, Anakin had been a student, a best friend, a brother – a lover.

This Darth Vader wasn’t the man he knew. He couldn’t be – he just _couldn’t_ be.

But then he remembered. The holo recordings, the younglings in the Temple, Anakin’s puss yellow eyes as he burned.

He heaved again, coughed, and slumped back against the hull, closing his eyes. He dozed fitfully, exhausted from shock and nausea, his body still trembling.

When he awoke hyperspace was still streaming by. He quickly glanced away, thoughts about watching its array of colours with someone else too painful. He predicted that he still had some time until his rendezvous with Yoda and Bail Organa.

He had to get up. To at least try to present himself somewhat respectfully, he was still a Jedi after all. He squeezed his eyes shut forcefully, perhaps he was even one of the last two.

Obi-Wan wanted to get up, to do his duty and to be a Jedi for all of those who no longer could be.

Instead he remained sitting on the floor with Anakin’s robe wrapped around himself. There came a point in life, he thought, where one deserves to take a moment.

So he sat there alone, and without the man he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> What was your favourite moment? I think mine was number 3, when things were still soft and sweet.
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/toolmusiclover)


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